Build the capacity of your nervous system to maintain intimacy and love without suffocating it or running away from it
Become a safe partner in a secure relationship instead of seeking 'exciting' ones that activate attachment trauma in your body
For anxious and avoidant attachers, whether single or in a relationship, who want to move to secure and co-create fulfilling relationships that last.
Join the programme starting on 10 June 2024
"Your guidance has helped me immensely. I feel that my mental and emotional state has improved a lot, and it happened in the best moment in my life. In certain ways my whole mindset shifted and I learnt a new approach. It works! I'll be using the methods you taught us."
Szilvia Frank
"Effie's course has been life changing for me. I decided to join because of her philosophy, her story and because I felt that she'd 'get' me. She broke down complex information so it was understandable, gave me tools to support myself with my cPTSD, anxiety and depression, and she offered persistent and reliable guidance. There has been such a transformation for me and I'm in a totally difference place compared to where I was before."
Corina Ebnother
The Anxious attacher wants love and connection.
The Avoidant partner wants that too.
But if they want the same thing, why is the Anxious-Avoidant cycle one of the most challenging relationship dynamics?
Because the problem isn't the lack of desire.
The problem is that the nervous systems of the anxious and the avoidant attacher don't 'speak' the same language.
No matter how much you try to understand each other, you don't.
This is one of the consequences of attachment trauma. It impacts our relationships for life.
That's why your nervous system confuses healthy distance with abandonment (as an anxious partner) or healthy connection with engulfment (as an avoidant).
Or it pendulates between the two (as a fearful avoidant).
Or you keep choosing patterns who feel exciting not because they meet your needs, but because they activate your attachment trauma in your nervous system.
When this happens, you might be wondering...
Am I just not made for relationships?
What do other people know about love that I don't?
Will I ever experience the intimacy I crave?
Will I ever be in a healthy relationship I enjoy and feels safe?
If this sounds familiar, I want you to know that healing the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle is possible but it won't happen by trying to change the people around you.
It'll happen by focusing on rewiring your own body's conditioned response to attachment and love.
If you wish to offer yourself this gift, I'm excited you're here because this course will teach you:
- Cutting-edge nervous system tools for self-regulation and co-regulation to stay empowered and connected when your biggest relationship fears come up
- The different language of your partner's nervous system vs. yours, and how to use this knowledge for the benefit of a relationship that honours both of you
- How to increase your body's capacity for healthy uncertainty and authentic vulnerability that are ingredients of any good relationship
- How to make better choices that lead to fulfilling and healthy relationships (when single or already in a relationship)
"Random but I just want to publicly thank you Effie for all you give to us individually and as a group. I'm so thankful to have joined and have learned so much just in these past few months."
"I'm truly thankful to be in the program and have learned from and be supported by you. It's truly life changing!!"
"Hello! Effie I just want to say thank you for the detailed responses you leave each of us. I'm sure it takes a log to time and I love how you address our comments. I learn a lot from not only your responses to my comment but just as much from your comments to other's responses. I got so many good nuggets from reading through the new ones you sent this morning."
"I just wanted to tell you how I am so impressed by you and your coaching and teaching! I've learned so much just since February my brain can't even hold it all in." 😆
"Effie helped me get to the core of my problem, gave me tools to transcend it, and techniques to help me feel and release emotions I used to shut down out of fear. She helped me feel ‘whole’ again. To anyone thinking of working with Effie, I'd say do yourself a favour and do it. She's been incredibly helpful to me and I will always be grateful the universe sent her my way."
Dave Cooke
To co-create the secure relationships we long for, cognitively understanding everything about our attachment style and the attachment style of our partner isn't enough.
We also need to help our nervous system feel safe in connection.
Because healthy attachment will feel like a prison if our nervous system isn't used to it.
Safe in Love will teach you cutting-edge tools and strategies that will engage the primitive parts of the brain that are most impacted by attachment trauma so your nervous system stops seeing attachment as a threat.
This is when your nervous system can start seeing attachment and love as an available option.
This course is for you if you experience:
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Challenges in romantic & other relationships that impact the quality of your life
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Your attachment style is anxious, dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, and/or you’re in a relationship with a partner with any of these styles
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Fear of abandonment that doesn’t let you enjoy and relax in relationships
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Fear of losing your freedom and independence that doesn’t allow others to get close to you
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Communication problems in your relationships, such as lack of assertiveness, people-pleasing or not knowing how to repair after conflict
- Difficulty in setting and maintaining boundaries, or in respecting other people's boundaries
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Experiencing codependent tendencies that cause you to lose yourself when in a relationship
- Being hyper-independent and experiencing a deep fear of relying on others
- Struggling to walk away from unsuitable relationships
- Choosing partners who reflect your childhood wounds more than your desire for a better future in love
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Having a desire for closeness, love and healthy intimacy
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Having a desire to be in a relationship and still maintain your personal power and autonomy
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Having a desire to become a more confident communicator
This course reflects my over 1,400 hours of somatic, nervous system, trauma and coaching training, combined with my hours spent in client work.
It also embodies the work that has radically transformed my life after years of living with cPTSD, anxiety and functional depression.
All materials and practices are based on Dr. Gabor Mate’s psychotherapeutic approach to trauma, in Somatic Experiencing and in the Polyvagal Theory.
This is why I’m excited to teach you this somatic and radically compassionate approach to healing your relationships that honours the whole of you, including your body and your life experiences.
The combination of all the above allowed me to create this course that has led to plenty insights, revelations and change in the lives of many of my students and clients.
"This course has opened a warm, comforting and inspiring door for me not only to learn and understand a lot more about myself and my struggles with anxiety, shame, fear and self-doubt, but also taught me there are tools beyond awareness to grow and nurture myself. Effie's clarity and insight is a priceless and abundant gift. Can’t recommend Effie and her course enough!"
Jonny Benson
What's Included
8 Live Workshops
Eight live in-depth workshops with Q&A at the end covering the weekly theme with cutting-edge neuro-education and the latest research on attachment and the nervous system.
See the schedule of calls in the FAQ section.
8 Workbooks
Eight workbooks to reflect on the weekly theme, increase your self-awareness and teach you techniques that will change your relationship patterns that keep you stuck in the same dynamics.
Community
You'll be a part of a digital community with access to Effie to have your questions answered from Monday to Friday. You'll feel supported between the calls and connect with other like-minded people who get this journey.
Lifetime Access
You'll get lifetime access to the course so you can keep using the practices and deepening your insights after the 8 weeks.
Results Past Clients Reported
- Greater ability to regulate emotions and manage anxiety in relationships
- Increased awareness and understanding of their attachment style
- Breakthroughs in breaking repetitive patterns and cycles of anxious-avoidant behaviours
- Progress with processing attachment trauma that has blocked relationship satisfaction
- Improved communication skills to express needs and boundaries effectively
- Reduced conflict with effective conflict resolution strategies
- Heightened self-worth and confidence in relationships
- More sensitivity to their own and their partner's nervous system cues, leading to more attuned interactions and deeper intimacy
- Increased ability to stay present and connected during moments of vulnerability with their partner
- Strengthened resilience to relationship challenges and setbacks
- Deeper connection with themselves, leading to more self-compassion and self-acceptance
"Effie is a great teacher and day by day I see small changes in me. Before I met her I thought everything was my fault and that I was not worthy of being loved or feel happy, but now I see that I can create a better future."
Caroline Enmark
"The most important benefit from my coaching with Effie is that I’m more confident about what I can achieve. Working with Effie has been a catalyst for me and I love the person I’ve become."
Katerina Papavasileiou
"Effie was very attentive to all things coming up during the coaching calls and all participants really showed up for each other, learnt from each other, and provided a safe space to be vulnerable. I really felt like myself in the group."
Alexandra Badita
Here's What You Will Learn
Week 1 - Attachment vs Authenticity
This is the biggest dilemma of attachment trauma. Explore the link between attachment styles and authenticity, discover how our belief that we have to choose between the two has shaped our attachment style and understand how this dilemma is the root cause of many relationship challenges.
Week 2 - The Nervous System of the Anxious Attacher
Dive into the intricacies of the nervous system for those with an anxious attachment style, identify the key nervous system responses, beliefs, emotions and impulses, and learn plenty of effective strategies for how to reverse those impulses and develop embodied emotional autonomy.
Week 3 - The Nervous System of the Avoidant Attacher
We'll dive into the intricacies of the nervous system for those with an avoidant attachment style (dismissive and fearful), identify the key nervous system responses, beliefs, emotions and impulses, and learn plenty of effective strategies for how to reverse those impulses for better relationships.
Week 4 - Breaking the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle
Practise somatic strategies to reshape relationship patterns that keep you stuck in anxious-avoidant cycles that aren't sustainable for your well-being or your connection with others. By integrating these practices, you can gradually find a somatic balance between your need for attachment and your need for authenticity.
Week 5 - From Codependency and Hyper-Independence to Interdependence
Discover how to break free from codependent patterns and hyper-independence, and how to move towards interdependence in your relationships where there's enough space for individuality and enough opportunity for connection.
Week 6 -Increasing Your Body's Capacity for Self-Regulation
Learn practical strategies to enhance your body's ability to self-regulate so you can navigate and process stress and emotions more effectively at times of conflict, transitions and stress in your relationship.
Week 7 - Increasing Your Body's Capacity for Co-Regulation
Learn techniques to improve your capacity for co-regulation so you can cultivate deeper connections and mutual support in your relationships.
Week 8 - Somatic Strategies for Compassionate Conflict Resolution
Discover somatic approaches to resolving conflict with compassion and curiosity, and avoid built-up resentment and contempt that destroy relationships.
"Since day one I noticed changes in the way I see myself. Now I show up with confidence and I’m not afraid to make mistakes. I recommend working with Effie to anyone who’s struggling with emotional overwhelm and self-doubt. This will probably be one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make."
Mafalda Franca
"Effie’s ability to get to the truth of the matter and create a path to a different way of seeing myself has been life changing."
Susannah Barrie
"Effie held space for me to explore my feelings, difficulties and new perspectives on myself, my view of the world and my experiences. I’ve gained a deeper understanding of my patterns and cycles and was given the tools to work through them."
Kyli Ferguson
"I feel that the biggest part of not feeling worthy and feeling inadequate has been healed through working with Effie."
Lili Suke
Your Questions Answered
How do I know if this programme is for me?
What happens after I sign up?
What if I miss a live call?
Can I join from anywhere in the world?
When are the scheduled calls?
Is this meant to replace private therapy or coaching?
Do I get lifetime access to the course materials?
About me
What’s led me to what I do today is a story that started when I was 10 and experienced trauma that involved family loss and mental dis-ease. Back then the stigma of mental health was even worse than it is today and, as a result, I spent my childhood feeling a lot of shame. This painful experience motivated me as an adult woman to go on a path to figure out how people can heal and live good lives after trauma.
It's come as no surprise that I've become a trauma educator and somatic coach supporting people privately and in groups. I have been trained in Dr. Gabor Maté's somatic-based psychotherapeutic approach, as a Mental Health and High Performance Coach and, I'm also currently training in Somatic Experiencing.
Through my studies and training, my work with hundreds of clients privately and in a group setting, and my personal transformation journey, I've seen again and again that with the right tools, guidance and community we can recover from trauma, feel better and live better.
I’m also a corporate trainer having run workshops on resilience, mental health and performance for organisations such as NatWest and The Centre for Entrepreneurs.
What nourishes me is the sun, the sea and meaningful conversations with friends. I hate small talk and I'm fascinated by people's life stories. In my free time, I love writing poetry and fiction, and travelling.
